


do not pass go

by harpers_mirror (SapphireBryony)



Series: Blow Us All Away [6]
Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Kid Fic, Post-Hephaestus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 03:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6103150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireBryony/pseuds/harpers_mirror
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It was Candy Land! <i>Everyone</i> cheats at Candy Land!” His voice had hit the high-pitched exasperation register.</p><p>“<i>I</i> don’t. And now you know what happens when <i>you</i> do.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	do not pass go

“I can explain,” Doug said. He was sitting in a laundry basket with a piece of paper reading “JAIL” taped crookedly to it, wrists bound with a quantity of orange yarn.

Renee just stared, shaking her head sadly while her husband cackled in the background.

“Three hours, Doug. I left you alone with them for _three hours.”_

“Yeah, well, your kids are way too much like their mother. What is it with Minkowskis - or half-Minkowskis, whatever - and wanting to lock me up?”

_“Three. Hours.”_

“And they definitely have your appreciation for law and order. I mean, who _actually_ follows the rules when they play Candy Land?”

Dominik was now laughing so hard he was wheezing. Renee buried her face in her hands.

“I’m not untying you, Doug. You got yourself into this mess, you can sure as heck get yourself out again.”

“Minkowski! Look how they knotted the yarn. What the hell is Margot _learning_ in Girl Scouts anyway?”

The kids started giggling from the staircase, their grinning faces poking through the rails of the bannister as their mother reprimanded their uncle for his language.

“Guys! You can’t just leave me here like this! Margot! Help!”

“You _cheated_ , Uncle Doug.” Renee’s eldest sounded unimpressed.

“It was Candy Land! _Everyone_ cheats at Candy Land!” His voice had hit the high-pitched exasperation register.

“ _I_ don’t. And now you know what happens when _you_ do.”

Doug changed tactics and decided to look elsewhere for allies. “Morgan? Celia?” They shook their heads, knowing their older sister’s words were law. “Theo, c’mon man!” 

Giggling, the little boy ran to his uncle. Thinking he was finally being rescued, albeit by a preschooler who probably wouldn’t be of much help untying his bonds, Doug grinned - 

-only to find a strip of packing tape stuck haphazardly across his mouth. The kids burst out laughing again and Theo, looking entirely too pleased with himself, beamed up at his parents for approval.

Renee looked back and forth between her gleeful son and her mournful friend and gave up. Sinking to her knees, she solemnly shook Theo’s little hand. 

“Good job, Theo! Mommy’s been wanting to do that for years now.”

Muffled sounds of protest emitted from the laundry basket, but she could see Doug grinning behind the tape. Finally taking pity on her beleaguered friend, she crawled over to the basket and pulled out her pocket knife, severing his restraints and shaking her head.

“Honestly Doug. You know you’re bigger than them, right? Hold still.” She ripped the tape off of his mouth.

“Gah! Minkowski! Leave some skin behind, would ya?”

Snorting, she hauled him to his feet. “I’ve saved your sorry butt from a lot of things, Eiffel, but I never expected to have to save you from a vicious gang of vigilante children.”

“They _are_ your kids, Minkowski. I’d be surprised if they _didn’t_ try to take me down.” He turned to the kids. “Speaking of which...”

He scooped up Theo, tossed him over his shoulder, and loped toward the stars.

“The Mean Green Tickle Monster from Outer Space is coming to get his revenge on you guys!”

Morgan and the girls screamed and dashed up the stairs, with Doug (and a gleefully shrieking Theo) hot on their heels.


End file.
